Tartuffe

so,

Since you have given me this good advice.

Valère

Don’t shield yourself with talk of my advice.

You had your mind made up, that’s evident;

And now you’re snatching at a trifling pretext

To justify the breaking of your word.



Mariane

Exactly so.



Valère

Of course it is; your heart

Has never known true love for me.



Mariane

Alas!

You’re free to think so, if you please.



Valère

Yes, yes,

I’m free to think so; and my outraged love

May yet forestall you in your perfidy,

And offer elsewhere both my heart and hand.



Mariane

No doubt of it; the love your high deserts

May win⁠ ⁠…



Valère

Good Lord, have done with my deserts!

I know I have but few, and you have proved it.

But I may find more kindness in another;

I know of someone, who’ll not be ashamed

To take your leavings, and make up my loss.



Mariane

The loss is not so great; you’ll easily

Console yourself completely for this change.



Valère

I’ll try my best, that you may well believe.

When we’re forgotten by a woman’s heart,

Our pride is challenged; we, too, must forget;

Or if we cannot, must at least pretend to.

No other way can man such baseness prove,

As be a lover scorned, and still in love.



Mariane

In faith, a high and noble sentiment.



Valère

Yes; and it’s one that all men must approve.

What! Would you have me keep my love alive,

And see you fly into another’s arms

Before my very eyes; and never offer

To someone else the heart that you had scorned?



Mariane

Oh, no, indeed! For my part, I could wish

That it were done already.



Valère

What! You wish it?



Mariane

Yes.



Valère

This is insult heaped on injury;

I’ll go at once and do as you desire.





He takes a step or two as if to go away.



Mariane

Oh, very well then.



Valère

Turning back.

But remember this.

’Twas you that drove me to this desperate pass.




Mariane

Of course.



Valère

Turning back again.

And in the plan that I have formed

I only follow your example.




Mariane

Yes.



Valère

At the door.

Enough; you shall be punctually obeyed.




Mariane

So much the better.



Valère

Coming back again.

This is once for all.




Mariane

So be it, then.



Valère

He goes toward the door, but just as he reaches it, turns around.

Eh?




Mariane

What?



Valère

You didn’t call me?



Mariane

I? You are dreaming.



Valère

Very well, I’m gone. Madam, farewell.





He walks slowly away.



Mariane

Farewell, sir.



Dorine

I must say

You’ve lost your senses and both gone clean daft!

I’ve let you fight it out to the end o’ the chapter

To see how far the thing could go. Oho, there,

Mister Valère!





She goes and seizes him by the arm, to stop him. He makes a great show of resistance.



Valère

What do you want, Dorine?



Dorine

Come here.



Valère

No, no, I’m quite beside myself.

Don’t hinder me from doing as she wishes.



Dorine

Stop!



Valère

No. You see, I’m fixed, resolved, determined.



Dorine

So!



Mariane

Aside. Since my presence pains him, makes him go,

I’d better go myself, and leave him free.



Dorine

Leaving Valère, and running after Mariane.

Now t’other! Where are you going?




Mariane

Let me be.



Dorine.

Come back.



Mariane

No, no, it isn’t any use.



Valère

Aside. ’Tis clear the sight of me is torture to her;

No doubt, t’were better I should free her from it.



Dorine

Leaving Mariane and running after Valère.

Same thing again! Deuce take you both, I say.

Now stop your fooling; come here, you; and you.






She pulls first one, then the other, toward the middle of the stage.



Valère

To Dorine. What’s your idea?



Mariane

To Dorine. What can you mean to do?



Dorine

Set you to rights, and pull you out o’ the scrape.





To Valère. Are you quite mad, to quarrel with her now?



Valère

Didn’t you hear the things she said to me?



Dorine

To Mariane. Are you quite mad, to get in such a passion?



Mariane

Didn’t you see the way he treated me?



Dorine

Fools, both of you.





To Valère. She thinks of nothing else

But to keep faith with you, I vouch for it.





To Mariane. And he loves none but you, and longs for nothing

But just to marry you, I stake my life on’t.



Mariane

To Valère. Why did you give me such advice then, pray?



Valère

To Mariane. Why ask for my advice on such a matter?



Dorine

You both are daft, I tell you. Here, your hands.





To Valère. Come, yours.



Valère

Giving Dorine his hand.

What for?




Dorine

To Mariane. Now, yours.



Mariane

Giving Dorine her hand.

But what’s the use?




Dorine

Oh, quick now, come along. There, both of you⁠—

You love each other better than you think.





Valère and Mariane hold each other’s hands some time without looking at each other.



Valère

At last turning toward Mariane.

Come, don’t be so ungracious now about it;

Look at a man as if you didn’t hate him.






Mariane looks sideways toward Valère, with just a bit of a smile.



Dorine

My faith and troth, what fools these lovers be!



Valère

To Mariane. But come now, have I not a just complaint?

And truly, are you not a wicked creature

To take delight in saying what would pain me?



Mariane

And are you not yourself the most ungrateful⁠ ⁠… ?



Dorine

Leave this discussion till another time;

Now, think how you’ll stave off this plaguey marriage.



Mariane

Then tell us how to go about it.



Dorine

Well,

We’ll try all sorts of ways.





To Mariane. Your father’s daft;





To Valère. This plan is nonsense.





To Mariane. You had better humour

His notions by a semblance of consent,

So that in case of danger, you can still

Find means to block the marriage by delay.

If you gain time, the rest is easy, trust me.

One day you’ll fool them with a sudden illness,

Causing delay; another day, ill omens:

You’ve