Tartuffe

met a funeral, or broke a mirror,

Or dreamed of muddy water. Best of all,

They cannot marry you to anyone

Without your saying yes. But now, methinks,

They mustn’t find you chattering together.



To Valère. You, go at once and set your friends at work

To make him keep his word to you; while we

Will bring the brother’s influence to bear,

And get the stepmother on our side, too.

Goodbye.



Valère

To Mariane. Whatever efforts we may make,

My greatest hope, be sure, must rest on you.



Mariane

To Valère. I cannot answer for my father’s whims;

But no one save Valère shall ever have me.



Valère

You thrill me through with joy! Whatever comes⁠ ⁠…



Dorine

Oho! These lovers! Never done with prattling!

Now go.



Valère

Starting to go, and coming back again.

One last word⁠ ⁠…




Dorine

What a gabble and pother!

Be off! By this door, you. And you, by t’other.





She pushes them off, by the shoulders, in opposite directions.



Act III

Scene I




Damis, Dorine.


Damis

May lightning strike me dead this very instant,

May I be everywhere proclaimed a scoundrel,

If any reverence or power shall stop me,

And if I don’t do straightway something desperate!



Dorine

I beg you, moderate this towering passion;

Your father did but merely mention it.

Not all things that are talked of turn to facts;

The road is long, sometimes, from plans to acts.



Damis

No, I must end this paltry fellow’s plots,

And he shall hear from me a truth or two.



Dorine

So ho! Go slow now. Just you leave the fellow⁠—

Your father too⁠—in your stepmother’s hands.

She has some influence with this Tartuffe,

He makes a point of heeding all she says,

And I suspect that he is fond of her.

Would God ’twere true!⁠—’Twould be the height of humour

Now, she has sent for him, in your behalf,

To sound him on this marriage, to find out

What his ideas are, and to show him plainly

What troubles he may cause, if he persists

In giving countenance to this design.

His man says, he’s at prayers, I mustn’t see him,

But likewise says, he’ll presently be down.

So off with you, and let me wait for him.



Damis

I may be present at this interview.



Dorine

No, no! They must be left alone.



Damis

I won’t

So much as speak to him.



Dorine

Go on! We know you

And your high tantrums. Just the way to spoil things!

Be off.



Damis

No, I must see⁠—I’ll keep my temper.



Dorine

Out on you, what a plague! He’s coming. Hide!





Damis goes and hides in the closet at the back of the stage.






Scene II




Tartuffe, Dorine.


Tartuffe

Speaking to his valet, off the stage, as soon as he sees Dorine is there.

Lawrence, put up my haircloth shirt and scourge,

And pray that Heaven may shed its light upon you.

If any come to see me, say I’m gone

To share my alms among the prisoners.




Dorine

Aside. What affectation and what showing off!



Tartuffe

What do you want with me?



Dorine

To tell you⁠ ⁠…



Tartuffe

Taking a handkerchief from his pocket.

Ah!

Before you speak, pray take this handkerchief.




Dorine

What?



Tartuffe

Cover up that bosom, which I can’t

Endure to look on. Things like that offend

Our souls, and fill our minds with sinful thoughts.



Dorine

Are you so tender to temptation, then,

And has the flesh such power upon your senses?

I don’t know how you get in such a heat;

For my part, I am not so prone to lust,

And I could see you stripped from head to foot,

And all your hide not tempt me in the least.



Tartuffe

Show in your speech some little modesty,

Or I must instantly take leave of you.



Dorine

No, no, I’ll leave you to yourself; I’ve only

One thing to say: Madam will soon be down,

And begs the favour of a word with you.



Tartuffe

Ah! Willingly.



Dorine

Aside. How gentle all at once!

My faith, I still believe I’ve hit upon it.



Tartuffe

Will she come soon?



Dorine

I think I hear her now.

Yes, here she is herself; I’ll leave you with her.






Scene III




Elmire, Tartuffe.


Tartuffe

May Heaven’s overflowing kindness ever

Give you good health of body and of soul,

And bless your days according to the wishes

And prayers of its most humble votary!



Elmire

I’m very grateful for your pious wishes.

But let’s sit down, so we may talk at ease.



Tartuffe

After sitting down.

And how are you recovered from your illness?




Elmire

Sitting down also.

Quite well; the fever soon let go its hold.




Tartuffe

My prayers, I fear, have not sufficient merit

To have drawn down this favour from on high;

But each entreaty that I made to Heaven

Had for its object your recovery.



Elmire

You’re too solicitous on my behalf.



Tartuffe

We could not cherish your dear health too much;

I would have given mine, to help restore it.



Elmire

That’s pushing Christian charity too far;

I owe you many thanks for so much kindness.



Tartuffe

I do far less for you than you deserve.



Elmire

There is a matter that I wished to speak of

In private; I am glad there’s no one here

To listen.



Tartuffe

Madam, I am overjoyed.

’Tis sweet to find myself alone with you.

This is an opportunity I’ve asked

Of Heaven, many a time; till now, in vain.



Elmire

All that I wish, is just a word from you,

Quite frank and open, hiding nothing from me.





Damis, without their seeing him, opens the closet door halfway.



Tartuffe

I too could wish, as Heaven’s especial favour,

To lay my soul quite open to your eyes,

And swear to you, the trouble that I made

About those visits which your charms attract,

Does not result from any hatred toward you,

But rather from a passionate devotion,

And purest motives⁠ ⁠…



Elmire

That is how I take it,

I think ’tis my salvation that concerns you.



Tartuffe

Pressing her fingertips.

Madam, ’tis so; and such is my devotion⁠ ⁠…




Elmire

Ouch! but you squeeze too hard.



Tartuffe

Excess of zeal.

In no way could I ever mean