The Alchemist
that would break
Such an inextricable tie as ours was.Dol Common Let me alone to fit him.
Re-enter Face. Face Come, my venturers,
You have packed up all? Where be the trunks? Bring forth.Subtle Here.
Face Let us see them. Where’s the money?
Subtle Here,
In this.Face Mammon’s ten pound; eight score before:
The Brethren’s money, this. Drugger’s and Dapper’s.
What paper’s that?Dol Common The jewel of the waiting maid’s,
That stole it from her lady, to know certain—Face If she should have precedence of her mistress?
Dol Common Yes.
Face What box is that?
Subtle The fishwives’ rings, I think,
And the alewives’ single money. Is’t not, Dol?Dol Common Yes; and the whistle that the sailor’s wife
Brought you to know an her husband were with Ward.Face We’ll wet it tomorrow; and our silver-beakers
And tavern cups. Where be the French petticoats,
And girdles and hangers?Subtle Here, in the trunk,
And the bolts of lawn.Face Is Drugger’s damask there,
And the tobacco?Subtle Yes.
Face Give me the keys.
Dol Common Why you the keys?
Subtle No matter, Dol; because
We shall not open them before he comes.Face ’Tis true, you shall not open them, indeed;
Nor have them forth, do you see? Not forth, Dol.Dol Common No!
Face No, my smock rampant. The right is, my master
Knows all, has pardoned me, and he will keep them;
Doctor, ’tis true—you look—for all your figures:
I sent for him, indeed. Wherefore, good partners,
Both he and she be satisfied; for here
Determines the indenture tripartite
’Twixt Subtle, Dol, and Face. All I can do
Is to help you over the wall, o’ the backside,
Or lend you a sheet to save your velvet gown, Dol.
Here will be officers presently, bethink you
Of some course suddenly to ’scape the dock:
For thither you will come else.
Loud knocking.
Hark you, thunder.Subtle You are a precious fiend!
Officer Without. Open the door.
Face Dol, I am sorry for thee i’faith; but hear’st thou?
It shall go hard but I will place thee somewhere:
Thou shalt have my letter to mistress Amo—Dol Common Hang you!
Face Or madam Caesarean.
Dol Common Pox upon you, rogue,
Would I had but time to beat thee!Face Subtle,
Let’s know where you set up next; I will send you
A customer now and then, for old acquaintance:
What new course have you?Subtle Rogue, I’ll hang myself;
That I may walk a greater devil than thou,
And haunt thee in the flock-bed and the buttery.Exeunt. Scene III
An outer room in the same.
Enter Lovewit in the Spanish dress, with the Parson. Loud knocking at the door. Lovewit What do you mean, my masters?
Sir Epicure Mammon Without. Open your door,
Cheaters, bawds, conjurers.Officer Without. Or we will break it open.
Lovewit What warrant have you?
Officer Without. Warrant enough, sir, doubt not,
If you’ll not open it.Lovewit Is there an officer, there?
Officer Without. Yes, two or three for failing.
Lovewit Have but patience,
And I will open it straight.Enter Face, as butler. Face Sir, have you done?
Is it a marriage? Perfect?Lovewit Yes, my brain.
Face Off with your ruff and cloak then; be yourself, sir.
Pertinax Surly Without. Down with the door.
Kastril Without. ’Slight, ding it open.
Lovewit Opening the door. Hold,
Hold, gentlemen, what means this violence?Mammon, Surly, Kastril, Ananias, Tribulation, and Officers, rush in. Sir Epicure Mammon Where is this collier?
Pertinax Surly And my Captain Face?
Sir Epicure Mammon These day owls.
Pertinax Surly That are birding in men’s purses.
Sir Epicure Mammon Madam Suppository.
Kastril Doxy, my sister.
Ananias Locusts
Of the foul pit.Tribulation Wholesome Profane as Bel and the dragon.
Ananias Worse than the grasshoppers, or the lice of Egypt.
Lovewit Good gentlemen, hear me. Are you officers,
And cannot stay this violence?1 Officer Keep the peace.
Lovewit Gentlemen, what is the matter? Whom do you seek?
Sir Epicure Mammon The chemical cozener.
Pertinax Surly And the Captain pander.
Kastril The nun my sister.
Sir Epicure Mammon Madam Rabbi.
Ananias Scorpions,
And caterpillars.Lovewit Fewer at once, I pray you.
2 Officer One after another, gentlemen, I charge you,
By virtue of my staff.Ananias They are the vessels
Of pride, lust, and the cart.Lovewit Good zeal, lie still
A little while.Tribulation Wholesome Peace, deacon Ananias.
Lovewit The house is mine here, and the doors are open;
If there be any such persons as you seek for,
Use your authority, search on o’ God’s name.
I am but newly come to town, and finding
This tumult ’bout my door, to tell you true,
It somewhat mazed me; till my man, here, fearing
My more displeasure, told me he had done
Somewhat an insolent part, let out my house
(Belike, presuming on my known aversion
From any air o’ the town while there was sickness,)
To a Doctor and a Captain: who, what they are
Or where they be, he knows not.Sir Epicure Mammon Are they gone?
Lovewit You may go in and search, sir.
Mammon, Ananias, and Tribulation go in. Here, I find
The empty walls worse than I left them, smoked,
A few cracked pots, and glasses, and a furnace:
The ceiling filled with poesies of the candle,
And madam with a dildo writ o’ the walls:
Only one gentlewoman, I met here,
That is within, that said she was a widow—Kastril Ay, that’s my sister; I’ll go thump her. Where is she?
Goes in. Lovewit And should have married a Spanish Count, but he,
When he came to’t, neglected her so grossly,
That I, a widower, am gone through with her.Pertinax Surly How! Have I lost her then?
Lovewit Were you the Don, sir?
Good faith, now, she does blame you extremely, and says
You swore, and told her you had taken the pains
To dye your beard, and umber o’er your face,
Borrowed a suit, and ruff, all for her love;
And then did nothing. What an oversight,
And want of putting forward, sir, was this!
Well fare an old harquebuzier, yet,
Could prime his powder, and give fire, and hit,
All in a twinkling!Re-enter Mammon. Sir Epicure Mammon The whole nest are fled!
Lovewit What sort of birds were they?
Sir Epicure Mammon A kind of choughs,
Or thievish daws, sir, that have picked